ADHD and the Power of "Radical Acceptance"
By Paula Jones, LCSW
Senior Therapist and Clinical Supervisor, Hallowell Todaro California
One of the key concepts in Dialectical Behavior Therapy is “radical acceptance,” we all know what acceptance means, but do we practice it? Radically practice it?
Accepting reality as it is, even if it is painful or unfair, is radical acceptance. Everyone’s life includes pain and distressing events; our loved ones get sick, we lose our job, we get a divorce. These events are part of life and life isn’t always easy. .. or fair.
For example, having ADHD may mean it is difficult to activate—starting and completing tasks that are difficult or boring may feel like climbing Mount Everest. Ask yourself, is this task required, necessary and non-negotiable? Am I making it into a Mount Everest climb when in reality it is a moderate hike (think mountain out of a molehill)?
If yes, then:
take a deep breath,
feel your feelings but don’t dwell on them,
visualize yourself getting started, even though you want to put off the perceived pain (operate word perceived),
“radically accept” that it is part of your job, or a requirement of IRS, or an important form that was due yesterday,
gently remind yourself that avoiding and procrastinating doesn’t make it go away,
tell yourself: “IT IS WHAT IT IS,” breathe through the resistance and get going.
Once you accept that you (or your child or mate) have a non-neurotypical brain, then you realistically look at what could be changed or improved. Radical acceptance helps ease some of the shame associated with past failures and current struggles.
The past can’t be changed and needs to be radically accepted, learned from, and let go. Radical acceptance can go a long way toward reducing futile efforts to change situations or other people, creating more inner peace and “creating a life worth living.”
DBT for ADHD: Online Group
Learn more about Radical Acceptance and DBT teachings that apply to ADHD in Paula’s upcoming online group.
CA residents only.
Paula Jones, LSCW
About the Author
Paula Jones is a therapist and former special education teacher, who has been working with children and adults with ADHD for over 30 years. She trained with Ned Hallowell, MD, in Boston when he began his coaching program in the 90’s after Driven to Distraction became a best seller.
She recognized her own adult ADHD when her daughter was diagnosed at 6 yrs, and after reading "Driven to Distraction", felt empowered to disclose her own ADHD to her clients. She credits ADHD with her endless energy, creativity, openness to take risks , and living a full and meaningful life, as well as her chronic disorganization.
Paula is a therapist at our Hallowell Todaro ADHD Center in California.