ADHD and Emotions: My 3 Steps for Regaining Control
By Grace Friedman, ADHD Coach
For us with ADHD, emotions can be large and often in charge. Though it is well understood that the common symptoms of ADHD are challenges with attention and hyperactivity, people with ADHD also struggle with regulating emotions. Big or small, our emotions can feel intense, come on quickly, and sometimes are hard to express and control. Our emotions can linger with us and be slow to defuse, leaving us funky, irritable, and moody for longer than we’d like.
When we’re super upset and feel many emotions intensely—perhaps feeling angry, hurt, rejected, shame, or guilt—it is incredibly difficult to regulate our emotions using logic and reasoning. When we’re in our “emotion brain” our “reasonable brain” is hard to access. As a result, intense emotions can get in the way of being able to deal with a situation and focus on the issues we need to resolve.
What does it look like when you’re having a hard time? How can others tell you’re having a hard time regulating your emotions?
A common goal we’re all striving for is to thrive and succeed with our ADHD, not despite it. Yes, emotions can be challenging and overwhelming to manage. One thing is for sure, though; you either manage your emotions, or they will manage you. This isn’t as easy as it seems, so let’s break it down together.
There are many strategies that one can use to regulate emotions such as mindfulness practices, physical activity, and seeking support from others. To add, I have found it helpful to follow these three steps when you’re wanting to have more control of your emotions:
Acknowledge, Identify, and Defuse
1. Acknowledge
Notice how and when you start getting upset. Where are you? Who are you with? What factors triggered you to feel this way? Are you hungry? Tired?
2. Identify
Pay attention to the emotions and physical sensations you are feeling. It is important to name and label your emotions to help you sort them. Since we often feel many emotions at the same time, we may unintentionally group them together. But anger, fear, shame, and distress are each distinct. Even if you don’t know exactly what to call your emotions, saying that you’re feeling “funky” or “pissy” is fine too. Name your emotions whatever you like.
3. Defuse
Once you’ve identified what factors contribute to your feelings, and also what it is that you feel, focus on what you can control, and work to defuse your emotions. If you were triggered by being hungry, eat something. If you are tired, take a break, walk around the block, listen to music. If you need to talk to someone, reach out to them politely and ask if they have the capacity to lend support.
Learning the unique way you manage your emotions is a critical skill that supports self-esteem, flexibility, and problem-solving abilities! Our family members, friends, teachers, instructors, and sports coaches—yes, even us ADHD coaches—work on managing our emotions every day!
Do you want to work on managing your ADHD and emotions? Working alongside an ADHD coach at the Hallowell Todaro ADHD center may be a great next step for you. Learn more about ADHD coaching here.
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