Why Connection is Vital for People with ADHD
By Paula Jones LCSW
It is New Year’s Day and I am in the midst of cleaning off my disastrous, disorganized desk. It’s only about half finished but I’m celebrating by giving myself a dopamine reward for tackling the hardest part of the task: getting started. If you are reading this, and have ADHD, you are probably thinking, “Nothing worse than the dreaded paper pile.”
You get it! And now we have a connection.
Not everyone who has been diagnosed with ADHD has the exact same challenges or has them to the same degree, but our shared experience navigating a neurotypical world undoubtedly unites us.
You have probably dealt with some negative judgments from others—bosses, friends, partners etc.—and you may have come to believe: “I have no willpower, I am selfish, I never finish anything I start, I’m lazy.”
When you are able to share some of these negative messages with others who “get it,” this connection can start to transform your mindset. This is one of the main reasons why connection is so important for those of us with ADHD, and why I’m excited to be leading an online ADHD support group for adults in California next month!
Why Connection Matters
1. You realize others have shared similar struggles and you feel understood.
That is powerful. You see that others who have ADHD have struggled and succeeded, and you feel compassion and connection with them. This allows you to start feeling more compassion for yourself.
I have been working as a professional in the field and dealing with my own neurodiversity since Ned Hallowell wrote, “Driven to Distraction.” I had such admiration for him to be able to get through med school and actually finish writing this profound book. I felt pretty special to be in such high-powered company. “Look what he has done, and he has ADHD too!”
Since then we have learned so so much more about ADHD. We’ve learned about how and why our brains are so darn good at procrastinating, and so lousy at doing boring tasks (like the paper pile).
2. The truth will set you (and others) free. Blame your brain, not your character.
I am a huge believer in the value of understanding “why” our ADHD brains act—or don’t act—in the way they do. When I read things like “amygdala abnormalities are more common in ADHD brains” and “struggles to turn off emotional processing” (Sharon Saline, ADDitude magazine, Dec 2023), I get really excited. It’s so affirming.
Now, what do I do with that knowledge? By sharing it with others, I’m not only cementing it within my own brain but empowering those around me to better understand and embrace their own ADHD traits. This act of sharing liberates us from shameful stereotypes and leads to a greater general awareness of what’s actually happening in the ADHD brain.
3. There are endless ADHD strategies—connection helps you sift through them!
True confessions: I have read lots of books and articles, but I don’t have all the answers. What I do know is that, through connection, through discussing and sharing ideas others, you discover strategies that work. And maybe you will even get an accountability partner along the way.
Sharing strategies, tools like web apps (never been my forte), and coping skills with others gives you many more resources and recommendations. And maybe more hope and self-acceptance.
Well, this was a fun distraction from the paper piles and now I will take on the next chunk of my New Year’s Day project! Join us for the ADHD support group if this sounds potentially useful as you walk through your journey of finding connection, acceptance, and growth as part of the new year.
About the Author
Paula Jones is a therapist and former special education teacher, who has been working with children and adults with ADHD for over 30 years. She trained with Ned Hallowell, MD, in Boston when he began his coaching program in the 90’s after Driven to Distraction became a best seller.
She recognized her own adult ADHD when her daughter was diagnosed at 6 yrs, and after reading "Driven to Distraction", felt empowered to disclose her own ADHD to her clients. She credits ADHD with her endless energy, creativity, openness to take risks , and living a full and meaningful life, as well as her chronic disorganization.
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