Small Talk is Big Talk — Insight for the New Year from Dr. Hallowell

By: Edward (Ned) Hallowell, M.D.

“I just hate making small talk,” most people complain, especially people who have the trait called ADHD (but I call VAST, or Variable Attention Stimulus Trait). They want to jump right into something meaty and exciting—we who have VAST crave stimulation and abhor boredom—and they can’t stand the tedium of making small talk, the conversational foreplay, if you will, required before the meaty stuff comes up.

This is because it would be jarring at a party to say, right off the bat, “What’s the meaning of life?”, or “Don’t you think capital punishment should be abolished?” or “I really hate parties, don’t you?” You need to feel your way along, to make a kind of alliance with the person you are talking to before you bring up difficult, albeit more interesting, topics.

So that’s why we have the weather, professional sports, recipes, and recent movies to talk about. That’s why we have small talk. To create an alliance, a comfort zone, in which the conversation can move naturally into deeper waters.

Even though you may hate making it, small talk is in fact very big talk. It lubricates the conversation so it can proceed smoothly, without making anyone feel discomfort. So I say, ‘Hooray!’ for small talk. Anyone can make it. Just be patient. Talk about the old faithfuls: weather, sports, food, and movies. Everyone can relate to all of those, and they’re not controversial.

Then, once you have a feel for the other person or the group, you can bring up more juicy, even controversial “big” topics. But it’s the small talk that got you to the big talk safe and sound.

---

Dr. Hallowell is a co-founder of the Hallowell Todaro Centers. He is a board-certified psychiatrist, world-renowned ADHD expert, and New York Times bestselling author.

You can read more insight from Dr. Hallowell over at his blog on Dr.Hallowell.com.