Self-Care: A Holiday Gift for Your Whole Family
By Peggy Gomula, PCI Certified Parent Coach
“Self-care is never a selfish act—it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer to others.” – Parker Palmer
December, the holiday season. It sounds so festive and fun, and all around us, we see pictures of the "perfect" family, calmly baking cookies and drinking hot chocolate while soft music is playing.
In a house filled with people with ADHD, that was not what I was seeing.
Our home was filled with chaos, baking cookies in the middle of the night so they made it to school the next day, kids overwhelmed and breaking down refusing to do anything I asked, and a mom who was stressed to the max.
There was just so much to do and so little time, or so I thought. I did not get a lot of sleep, barely remembered to eat, was driving around most of the day picking up kids, buying presents and trying to get dinner on the table every night. To say the least, I was pretty cranky and tired.
A couple of things happened as a result. One, I caught the worst cold I had in five years. And two, and most importantly, my husband and children told me that I was being "mean.” My first thought was, "Are you kidding me, look at all I am doing for you!" Then I paused, took a lot of deep breaths, calmed down, and really gave their comments some thought. I came to the conclusion that they were right.
I was giving them all short answers to their questions, I was distracted every time one of them tried to talk to me, and I was shouting at everyone in the house. I was exhausted, miserable and difficult to be around. To the people I cared most about in the whole world, I was being "mean.” Instead of festive days where we were all having fun, I was barking out orders, insisting on doing things my way and generally just not being very nice person to be around.
Then, thank goodness, the light bulb finally came on! Sacrificing my well being in order to help others, was just not working. It was creating a "witch on a broomstick,” and a sick one at that! I realized that a lot of my problems were because I was trying to do too much for everyone else and not enough for me. I realized that being exhausted, and not eating right and being stressed, could have kept me on that broomstick for the entire holiday season. I realized that I could have gotten off of that broom much faster had I realized that I needed to take care of myself first.
I know it feels uncomfortable to put yourself first. I also know that it really is the best thing that you can do for not only you but also your family. Don’t let yourself get to the point where you are getting sick, or being “mean” or you are “riding around on a broomstick.” Find a way to take care of yourself first.
Do something nice for yourself for a change. It can be as simple as making a cup of tea and sitting down to quietly enjoy it, or it can be that massage you have been promising yourself since the last holiday season. Whatever it takes to help you to feel happier, more centered and calmer, go ahead and give yourself permission to take care of you. I guarantee that you will be much happier and so will everyone around you! You never know, this might be the calmest and easiest holiday season ever!
We host an ADHD Parent Support Group one Tuesday each month for parents to share their stories and get advice on raising a child with ADHD.