When the Task is Overwhelming: A Jumpstart Focus
By Mary D. Sanford, Ph.D.
Feeling overwhelmed is a common denominator for so many of my ADHD coaching clients. Whether young or old, newly diagnosed or those diagnosed years ago, individuals struggle with taming this beast and fail miserably at doing so. It’s not that they lack the skillset to complete a task. They can easily do it once they start. People with ADHD are highly intelligent, often gifted, and usually have a multitude of ways for completing the task. But having the skills and being able to use the skills are two different things altogether. Add being overwhelmed to the mix and you’re likely to feel powerless.
To the neurotypical person, being overwhelmed when facing a task is nothing new. They might look at the task with dread and procrastinate a bit. They might even leave a project to the last minute and then tackle it, but they’re not immobilized. For those struggling with ADHD, the Overwhelm monster seems as real as the problem itself and oftentimes more powerful. And therein lies the challenge. Unlike the neurotypical person who dreads starting a task like a child vainly fighting bedtime, for the ADHD person the Overwhelm monster throws a full-blown temper tantrum, grabs the remote, and the parent caves in. The person struggling with ADHD is immobilized. What started out as one problem- doing laundry for example, now becomes two problems: a mountain of laundry and a feeling of being glued to the couch.
To the neurotypical person, the solution is simple: Snap out of it! Stop being so lazy! Just do it. But having ADHD and being overwhelmed by tasks isn’t about being lazy. It isn’t about bucking up, or simply applying oneself, any more than doing daily stretching exercises makes one taller. The ADHD person feels shame, both self-imposed and that placed on them by others, adding to the overwhelm. As one client noted, “I am stuck on this awful amusement park ride, and I can’t get off.”
But there are 3 solutions that can help people solve this dilemma, take back the power, and accomplish tasks without being overwhelmed. All it takes is a jumpstart.
Stuck on Ice
First, pretend for a moment that your car is stuck on ice in front of your house. Wheels spinning. No traction. Your kind neighbor Fred comes running out and tells you to put the car in reverse, and rock it back and forth. This doesn’t make any sense to you, it’s not logical, and you’re totally stuck on the ice. Doesn’t he get it? You ungratefully yell out, “I’m stuck and can’t move! Can you see? That’s not going to do anything!” Again, he patiently tells you to rock the car from drive to reverse. You reluctantly listen, muttering under your breath, and the car actually moves an inch. Fred’s getting cold, and again he tells you to rock the car back and forth. The car moves some more. Finally, the third time, the car jumps forward and off you go. Fred waves from the window, shaking his head.
To fight overwhelm, do something that seems counterintuitive. Facing a big report that’s due at work? Set the timer and organize your spice rack for 10 minutes then start the task. Or clean out 1 shelf in the refrigerator, and then open a blank document on your computer for the report. By doing this unrelated task you are jumpstarting your brain into complying, and the Overwhelm monster becomes powerless.
Just 5 Minutes
The Overwhelm monster has strict rules you must obey, and the cardinal rule is all -or -nothing. It claims that you must do all of the laundry but only if the mood strikes you. If you’re not in the mood or can’t do it perfectly, then you cannot do laundry. Or write the report. Or pay the bills. Only have 30 minutes? Then there is absolutely no point in doing any laundry since you cannot possibly complete the task in 30 minutes.
To fight back, apply the 5 Minute Rule. Set a timer for 5 minutes and tell yourself you just need to work on the task for 5 minutes and then you can stop. Just simply start doing the task any place- beginning, middle, or end, and do it for 5 minutes. For me, the task I felt completely overwhelmed by was changing the bed. I was convinced it took hours (in actuality it took 12 minutes- I timed myself), and it was impossible to get it just so with the sheets and pillows. Five minutes, I told myself. That’s all that you have to do. Work on the bed for 5 minutes. It doesn’t have to be perfect, I gently reminded myself. It’s okay if it’s partially done. I began with the easy stuff, folding all the quilts. I had a nice pile built up and was beginning to change the sheets when the timer went off. I ignored it. I was starting to picture how nice the bed would look, how great I would feel, and I kept at the task. No comments from the Overwhelm Monster and in no time flat I had a beautifully made bed.
Picture It
And speaking of picturing it, visualize stomping all over that Overwhelm monster. Visualize grabbing control and firmly and confidently shouting “No! You have no power over me!” and start doing the task. Anticipate the monster’s arguments and protests happening- and they will- you can count on it. Then visualize and rehearse how you’ll respond. You have the power, all of the power. In fact, practice arguing with Overwhelm in front of the bathroom mirror or with a friend. Stand strong, argue back, and take control. It won’t be easy at first. The Overwhelm monster doesn’t quickly give up. But keep marching forward. Watch how it shrinks down to nothing. Because it’s just a feeling, and we have a choice: accept the feeling, give the Overwhelm power, or discard it like trash. It’s up to you. And me.
I speak from experience. I wrote this article with the Overwhelm monster breathing down my back. If I can do it, a fellow member of the neurodiverse clan, then you can, too. By doing something counterintuitive, by working on a task for 5 minutes, and/or by picturing yourself stomping on the Overwhelm monster, you’ve taken back control and proved it to be powerless. Because it is.
Mary is hosting two online groups for adults with ADHD, coming up in January and February 2023: “Winning at College: ADHD Survival Strategies” and “Creating Neurodiverse Approaches to Meditation.”