Making the Holidays ADHD-Friendly
By Catherine Mutti-Driscoll, MA, Ph.D., CALC
Holidays can be hard when you are a mom with ADHD like me, and when you are also a member of a complex neurodivergent family. The routine is off for everyone, expectations are so unclear, and all the feelings in a family of three, four or more can be BIG. Excitement, disappointment, stress, etc., you name it - they all come to the holiday party!
Not only can there be a lot going on with just myself, my husband, and my children, the holidays mean hitting the road to see more family! Managing family-of-origin relationships can be hard when many of us with ADHD may have defaulted to coping strategies such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, and maladaptive self-care habits in the past.
This year, I am trying to apply the helpful advice of ADHD experts to approach the complexity of the holidays in as healthy and graceful a manner as possible. Here are my top 6 personal strategies for this season:
1). Hallowell and Ratey recommend a few helpful “Cs” in their helpful ADHD 2.0 book. The first is connection. During the holidays, I regularly connect online support meetings with others who are working on healthy habits. I’ve been working on an alcohol-free year this year with the Sober Mom Squad, a lovely online community of moms who are supporting each other in healthy living and the ups and downs of motherhood.
2). I also tap into my ADHD strength of creativity, another “C” recommended by Hallowell and Ratey, as an outlet to regulate my emotions in complex social situations. I love to keep my hands busy with sticker art when I am having trouble focusing on large group conversations. I’m always surprised as to how it is much easier for me to focus on socializing when I’m doing sticker art and how often people are quite intrigued by my hobby! My sticker art has frequently turned out to be a conversation starter :-)
3). Another “C” that I utilize is for coping skills! I try to remember helpful coping skills for myself using memory tricks that I have adapted from the Thriving with ADHD book for adults by Phil Boisierre. When I need a break, I remember that I can find a few minutes of privacy in the bathroom to do some breathing or listen to a calming meditation app. Rhyming helps me remember strategies like this so I made up a funny one to boost my memory: “When it gets to be too much, I go to where the toilets flush.”
4). Since stress frequently compromises already taxed executive functioning skills, I give myself a break from cooking a big meal and plan to take my father’s excellent suggestion to make a reservation for the family for Thanksgiving dinner. I also avoid stressful last-minute decision-making by pre-planning daily activities that are ADHD family-friendly including those that are structured, active, and engaging for my young boys!
5). I tap into my ADHD motivation by creating an interest-based holiday-themed challenge! I love reading contemporary romance so challenging myself with a reading list of recently released books keeps me interested and excited to find some personally fulfilling downtime while on my family trip! Interested in learning more about ADHD-motivation levers that you could lean on ASAP? Check out the PINCH acronym in this book by well-known parent coach Elaine Taylor-Klaus.
6). Finally, I pack my bag with some favorite games that can engage my mind and structure family social interactions when we are having downtime at the hotel. I enjoy word searches when I am by myself and games like Spot It and Do You Really Know Your Family? when others want to play too :-)
I hope that these tips are helpful for you as you celebrate the holiday season with you and yours! Even though ADHD can make the holidays stressful, when tapped into the right way, it can help make the holidays super fun, memorable, and enjoyable!
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