Parenting With Optimism: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
By Peggy Gomula, PCI Certified Parent Coach
I have said many, many times that parenting is hard, and just because it is hard it does not mean that we have to focus on it being hard. Instead, let’s look at what is going right. Fred G. Gosman tells us, “We must return to optimism in our parenting. To focus on the joys, not the hassles; the love, not the disappointments; the common sense, not the complexities.”
We need to look for all of the good things that happen every day. Some days we may have to really hunt for those positive moments. Other days, those moments may be more obvious. If we can find those small, positive moments, we may begin to see some positive changes in our children.
I am not talking about jumping up and down and sending off rockets for every little thing our children are doing. A simple “thank you for…” or “I noticed that…” can do wonders to change the atmosphere in the house. When you are noticing the positive moments, it is great for the children, and it can also change the way that we look at our children. Suddenly, parenting is a bit more enjoyable.
I look back and I realize that always seeing what my children did wrong was one of the worst parts of my “witch on a broomstick phase.” By always concentrating on what they did wrong, my children began to believe that they never did anything right. That eventually turned into “why should we even try; mom will just find something wrong.” And thus, the vicious cycle began.
Today, being much older and hopefully wiser, I realize the importance of concentrating on what children do right. The rule of thumb is to say five positive things to every one negative thing that you say to your child. In a typical day that may not be easy, and it may take some time and practice, but it can be done. Try testing this out by looking for the positive moments see how it works for your family.
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