Focus On the Joys of Parenting
By Peggy Gomula and Sally Kidder Davis
“We must return to optimism in our parenting. To focus on the joys, not the hassles; the love, not the disappointments; the common sense, not the complexities.”
We know that parenting a child with ADHD can be challenging. But the challenging parts don't have to become the primary focus. Instead, as Gosman says, “We must return to optimism in our parenting”. We need to look for all of the good things that happen every day. We need to stop concentrating on what our children are doing wrong and instead notice, acknowledge, and encourage them for what they are doing right.
As Dr. Hallowell says, “Praise is especially important for children who have ADHD because they typically get so little of it. They get correction, remediation at school, and complaints about their behavior. They undergo testing, and are expected to feel grateful for constructive criticism.”
How would it feel if your child with ADHD heard more positive affirmations than criticisms over the course of one day? One suggestion is to give your child at least 5 affirmations to every one criticism.
Truth be told, this wasn’t always easy for us, so we do understand how hard it can be to find those positive moments. If this is difficult for you, we have a simple exercise that may soften your feelings towards your child.
In our Parent Coaching practice at The Hallowell Todaro ADHD Center we often help parents shift their focus to what is beautiful and wonderful about their child. One way to do that is to spend a few minutes brainstorming all of your child’s strengths. First, take out a piece of paper, then close your eyes and focus on your child. Next, write down as many positive qualities you can think of in 5 minutes.
Now, read it back to yourself and notice how this list of strengths makes you feel. How does it feel to see so many positive descriptions of your child? Are you now seeing your child through a different lens? Imagine how this new way of thinking about your child can positively impact your daily interactions.
When we intentionally look for the positive, we will see it. In other words, what you focus on grows!