Seeing the Positive in Your Child
By Sally Kidder Davis and Peggy Gomula
PCI-Certified Parent Coaches
"It's not what you look at that matters. It's what you see?"
Henry David Thoreau
What do you see when you look at your child? Are you seeing the tantrum, the disobedience, the defiance, the anger, the messiness, the disrespect? Are you seeing the nightly bed battles, the tension at the dinner table to get them to eat, the hurried moments when they seem to move slow just to make it more difficult, or the nightly homework battles? When you look at your child, especially in the moments of chaos, it is easy to see all of the things that they do wrong. It is easy to see the negative behavior and to be frustrated, angry, scared and overwhelmed.
But what if in those moments you stepped back for a minute and paused. What if you really looked at your child and saw all of the things that you love about them? What if you saw their humor, their generosity, or their humanity? What if you saw the beautiful baby you gave birth to? What if you saw the child who shared his/her toys with their friends? What if you saw the child who just comes up to you and gives you a big hug when they see you are sad? What if you saw all the positive things about your child?
Would you react differently? Would you be able to be calmer? Would you be able to discipline from a place of understanding and not from a place of punishment? Think about it. Think about how it would feel differently if you saw your child from a place of love instead of from a place of frustration and anger.
Here’s an exercise that can help shift your thoughts to the positive. Get a piece of paper and pen and take 5 minutes to write down everything that is beautiful and wonderful about your child. Feel all that love and let it fill your heart. Read it over several times a day. In our experience, this simple exercise can have a positive, visceral effect on how you feel about your child.
So...give it a try. The next time your child is driving you batty, stop and pause and think of all of the things you love about your child. Then sit down with your child and deal with the issue. Your interactions will likely be much more calm and connected, and overall the experience will be more productive.
Parenting coaching helps you develop strategies that support your child’s success, confidence and happiness.