"Just Be Yourself" Isn't So Simple: How to Stop Masking & Live Authentically

Jun 17

By Catherine Mutti-Driscoll, MA, PhD, CALC
Director of Executive Function Coaching, Hallowell Todaro

young adult woman with long blonde hair pulls plain white mask away from face

Have you ever felt confused by the advice to "just be yourself?”

I have read books urging me to “be authentic” in the past and questioned if I even knew what that meant. Even if I figured out what authenticity looked like, was I supposed to assume others would readily accept it if I got there? Or perhaps if I attained authenticity, I would become unbothered by what others thought?

Reading Devon Price’s new book, Unmasking for Life, helped me clarify what the process of unmasking would look like in practice. Price describes how, for many of us diagnosed with ADHD, Autism, or other forms of neurodivergence later in life, discovering our authentic selves—and beginning to unmask around others—often requires developing entirely new skills.

As we peel back the layers of self-awareness, the advice to “be authentic” can feel overly simplistic. Even if you, like me, have made progress identifying your needs, interests, and passions, you might still be unsure how to live out that self more fully—in your relationships, work, and everyday life.

Skill development is often necessary for those of us who were late-diagnosed. Many of us grew up masking our neurodivergent traits just to survive. If we were not diagnosed early on, we may not have known there were other options to be successful or fit in besides hiding our authentic selves. Masking helped many cope, protecting us from painful feelings of being "different" or "not normal."

Masking isn’t inherently bad, and if you do it often, it won’t be easy to change overnight. It can still be a protective tool in less neurodivergent-friendly situations that you find yourself in. However, research shows that chronic, long-term masking often comes at a cost. People who mask heavily are more likely to experience mental health challenges. They may struggle with self-knowledge and find themselves in unsatisfying or inauthentic relationships (Price, 2025). Once you recognize your masking patterns, you may want to change your behavior and actions.

For those who would like to unmask more often, Devon Price’s new book shares key skills needed to cope with everyday life experiences and advocate for our ability to show up authentically in our contexts. Price recommends skill development in five key areas to support unmasking across essential arenas of life:

Developing coping and life skills to accept uncertainty and change
Managing interpersonal conflict
Speaking out against unfairness
Tolerating difficult experiences (like being disliked)
Creating new accommodations and ways of living that work for our neurodivergent brains

Unmasking through skill development isn't a one-time event—it’s a lifelong learning, practicing, and self-acceptance process. It’s not about becoming someone different; it’s about becoming more yourself, and learning how to live authentically in a world that may not always understand you. If you’re looking for support on your unmasking journey, I recommend checking out Unmasking for Life by Devon Price, contacting a trusted therapist, and/or leaning on close friends or family for encouragement.

References:

Price, D. (2025). Unmasking for Life: The Autistic Person’s Guide to Connecting, Loving, and Living Authentically. Harmony: NY.

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